


A Few Minutes

by KatBug



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Good Big Brother Thor, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki just hates who he is, M/M, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Self-Hatred, Thor tries his best to help him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 16:22:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21359155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatBug/pseuds/KatBug
Summary: There was always a monster hiding away deep under Loki's skin that he tried to ignore until now. He couldn't truly feel happy with himself unless he finally acknowledges it. A few minutes looking at this monstrous blue skin couldn't hurt, could it?
Relationships: Loki & Thor, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki/Thor, Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 126





	A Few Minutes

**Author's Note:**

> So I would consider this my first Thorki story, though not quite explicitly Thorki either, kind of on the line of is and not haha. 
> 
> I wrote this based on the fantastic art by Darkellaine; https://twitter.com/Darkellaine/status/1186011107670085633?s=20 so if you see this, I hope you like it, because I adored that art so much. <3
> 
> Also thanks to those who did proof read this, it helped alot :)

_It would only be for a few minutes, it would be okay._

Is the mantra Loki kept telling himself. 

He was alone in his ship's cabin, sure that no one would interrupt him. He hoped no one would be looking for him for something or another in the next little while anyway. Being the one their people could confide in with problems on the ship, it often took up a lot of his time and it was hard to get alone time. No one needed to be seeing what he was doing. Only he did; he needed it.

Removing his Aesir glamour had been hard at first. Not that it was a difficult spell to undo, but only because he knew what lied beneath it. The monster, the Jotunn, that had a hold of his body that he couldn't get rid of, constantly niggling in the back of his mind when he couldn't see it, ever since that day he discovered the truth of himself. 

And what better way to silence it than finally try to embrace it?

The lights in his cabin were off. He didn't think he was ready to see himself completely in the light yet. He never has before, aside from seeing only his hands turn blue.

Loki positioned himself, and stood in front of the standing mirror. He took a few deep breaths, as he looked at an obscure reflection of himself. He could definitely see his own nervousness sketched onto his face as he tried to calm down before getting himself into a panic over it, before he even changed forms.

Only a few minutes, he reminded himself, and then he can change back to what he was comfortable with.

With a final deep breath, that he held in, Loki watched in the mirror as his pink skin turned blue instead. It had startled him briefly, to see his own red eyes staring back at him, like the monster he was was a demon instead. He had to look away from the mirror to calm his quickening breathing and heart rate. 

_ Just a little while longer, Loki. _ He reminded himself. _ Get yourself together. If you don't do this, you'll never be happy with yourself. _

When he felt sufficiently calm enough again, he looked back at his dark reflection. This time, he tried to avoid looking at his own eyes; frankly being in the dark didn't make them any easier to look at, only scarier. Instead, he looked at other features of his face, as best as he could make them out. Silvery lines running along his skin popped out at him, similar to what he faintly remembered seeing on the backs of his hands.

He touched his face with those same hands, feeling how those lines ridged his skin a bit in their pattern. Heritage lines, he had learned what they were at some point after his discovery. They were what identified who he was to the Jotunn race; a lost Prince. He followed the lines until they reached his neck and got covered up by the tunic he had on. He fingered at the neckline of it for a few moments, debating if taking it off was a good idea. 

He should. He needed to learn to be more comfortable with himself. It would be fine.

With another shaky breath, he gave in and slid off his tunic, throwing it down to the floor beside him. He was bare, aside from the breeches he had on underneath. 

It almost felt odd to him to see in the dark room that his whole body took on the blue color. Logically he knew that, that it wasn't just his face and hands, but it still came as a slight surprise. Gently, he raised his hands back to where they were cut off from his tunic, and continued, following down his heritage lines. By the time he reached his navel, he choked back a sob.

His body was so… Foreign to him. It wasn’t the same as he was used to at all. He stared angrily at himself for being upset over this, and his dam broke, tears spilling over his cheeks. He desperately tried his hardest to wipe his tears away, but they just kept replacing the ones he wiped away. 

He lowered himself to the floor, sitting there now instead of standing. If he can’t like himself, how would others ever be expected to? They called him a monster, not too long ago, when Thor forced him out of his disguise as Odin and realized their real King was gone. How right they were, and Loki regretted ever revealing that he was a Frost Giant to all of Asgard. It was something that would surely follow him for the rest of his long life. It only made him cry more. All of his repressed emotions from years before finally coming out.

He didn’t hear the door opening over his sobs, but the light from the hallway filtered into the room. He couldn’t do much to hide himself, only try to cover his face more, knowing it was futile as whoever was here had already seen him.

“Brother…?” He heard Thor’s voice ask, so terribly softly, as if he was afraid of startling him further. 

“Go away,” Loki demanded through his sobs. This was a mistake, and now Thor could see what he was. He ended up looking back into the mirror, with the new light in the room. He could see himself much more clearly, and see his face wet with his tears. It was even worse in the light, and he looked back down, wiping his face more. He really should turn back. The longer he sat there in this form, the more it wasn’t doing him any good.

Thor closed the door to the room, blessing the room in it’s darkness again. The older couldn’t let any passersby see Loki like this, it would damage him even further than just himself seeing him like this. It hurt him dearly to see Loki crying so openly, something he hadn’t seen him do in hundreds of years, besides the stray tear or two. Seeing his brother blue, instead of his usual peach surprised him at first, but he could tell that it was why he was crying. 

“Loki,” Thor started again, just as softly and quietly as before, approaching him slowly. “May I touch you?” He had the foresight to see that Loki probably wouldn’t have responded well to his touch had he not asked beforehand.

“No.” Loki responded harshly, giving Thor a half-hearted glare. The red eyes surprised Thor again, but he didn’t act in any way that would make Loki think he doesn’t like him.

“Alright,” Thor responded easily. He still came a little closer to Loki, sitting down on his knees beside him, but kept a respectable distance between them. “That’s fine.” He respected Loki’s wishes, and he could see his brother relax just slightly; noticing how tense he was now. Loki’s eyes softened a little bit, and looked away from Thor again, wiping away his tears.

“You should go. You weren’t supposed to see this.” Loki insisted, through hiccuped sobs. He could hear Thor’s sigh beside him. 

“Loki, no.” Thor struggled a bit to find the words he wanted to say. He was never very good at articulating things like his smart younger brother. “Loki, look, I’m sorry I’m never really there for you when you’re not okay. I can tell you’re not okay, and that you can’t do this alone, so I’m going to be here for you. I’m going to be your stubborn elder brother who won’t leave you alone.”

He watched Loki to gauge his reaction, surprised to see him look at him again with confusion.

“Why?” Loki asked. “You.. You see what I am, don’t you? Are you sure our sister didn’t end up blinding you in both eyes?” He was getting hostile; he never forgot how Thor felt about the Jotuns. It haunted the back of his mind as well. He stared at Thor for a few quiet moments, besides Loki’s sniffling. “I’m a monster, Thor.”

Thor thought he sounded so broken and defeated saying that after his initial hostility. He shook his head. “Loki, please, whatever you’re thinking, forget about it.” Thor insisted now. “I’m sorry if things I’ve said in the past upset you now. You’re not a monster either, you never will be. Just because you look like this, it doesn’t make you one.” Thor said.

After a bit of a pause, and no response from Loki, he continued. “Brother, no matter what, you’re every bit Aesir just like me. You grew up as one, you acted as one, you ate and slept like one, you thought like one. Just because underneath your skin you’re a Jotunn, it doesn’t mean you _ are _ one.”

Loki had no idea where all this was coming from out of Thor, but surprisingly, it was words he needed to hear. It all brought a fresh wave of tears to his eyes, and he didn’t stop it from spilling down his face. It was something he never really took the time to realize. He was so focused on how he wasn’t Asgardian, that he was from a barren land of snow, born of the monsters. That he was adopted, or rather stolen. He never took in mind how despite it, it didn’t define him as who he was.

“You’re my brother, Loki, even if you weren’t born as my brother. I’ve told you time and time again, but I mean it. I’ll love you no matter what you do, and support you no matter what you look like or where you come from.” Thor gave Loki a longing look, only hoping that he was getting through to him. “You’ve always gone by the phrase that you’re you, so do it again this once, please brother? Because it’s true, you’re still Loki. You’re the same, your mind or personality hasn’t changed, even if your looks have. It doesn’t make you any less who you are.”

It was heartbreaking to hear Loki cry so openly, as Thor finished his speech, unable to give him any physical comfort like he itched to. His need was granted only a few moments later, before Loki turned and threw his arms around Thor’s neck, burying his face against it, and Thor held him tightly against him. Loki’s skin was shockingly, but not unbearably, cold to the touch, until the feeling went away and Loki was back in his Asgardian skin. 

“Thank you.” Loki croaked against him between his sobs, his tears soaking Thor’s neck and shirt. He felt better being back in a skin he was more comfortable with, but Thor was right.

“Shh, it’s okay, Loki.” Thor replied. He ran his hand through Loki’s hair repeatedly, beginning a rocking motion to soothe his brother, letting him cry it out against him.

The two brothers sat on the floor together for a few minutes. Thor continuing to rock Loki, telling him that it was okay, and he was okay, that there was nothing wrong with him, as Loki eventually calmed down until his crying became sniffles. They held each other a little longer like that, before Loki began to extract himself. Before he could though, Thor stopped him by placing his hand on the side of Loki’s neck, a familiar gesture, and leaned in and pressed a kiss to Loki’s forehead. Then he replaced the spot with his own forehead, looking into his shining green eyes.

“I love you, brother. Let me be here for you next time, will you?” He asked quietly.

“Yes. I love you aswell.” Loki sniffled, nodding his head briefly. “Thank you.”

It felt like Loki could perhaps finally start healing. His Jotunn heritage was a wound that had cut him open wider and wider for years, ignored until now. And somehow Thor was able to sweep in, and tell him all the right things, to help him see everything with a new light. He had no idea how Thor did it, his brother was so dimwitted most of the time, but it worked. Their relationship was rocky at best, yet here Thor was, willing to put that aside to be Loki’s big brother and rock to hold him grounded.

It had only taken a few minutes for Loki to lose himself, and Thor to put him back together. Maybe it will all end up okay if they had each other. 


End file.
